Terms & Considerations of my Heart
I’ve done a lot of dating. Enough to know what I want, what I don’t, and what I will no longer tolerate in the name of keeping it chill. This isn’t a list of my demands. It’s also not a warning label. It’s just me, being honest about who I am and what I need, so that the right person can find me and the wrong one can keep scrolling.
If we started being honest with ourselves about what makes us feel held and what makes us feel dismissed, dating would get a whole lot easier.
The Terms & Considerations of my Heart
Communication Rules
If you go quiet for more than 4 days without a heads up, I’ll take that as a signal this isn’t important to you. I’m not asking for constant availability. I’m asking for basic courtesy. A 10-second ‘hey, life is loud right now but I’m still here’ is enough. Silence without context isn’t mysterious, it’s just inconsiderate. A slow burn is fine. A slow fade without explanation is not.
If every convo is me asking questions and you giving one‑word answers, I’m out. I need back‑and‑forth, not a true or false quiz.
If you only message late at night and never make time in daylight hours, you’re not looking for the same thing I am.
If you say you’ll call or text at a certain time and repeatedly don’t follow through, that’s gonna be a no.
If you only pop up when you’re horny or bored and disappear when I talk about real life, we’re not aligned.
I stay emotionally open until someone clearly asks me to be their partner. If you want me ‘off the market,’ you have to use your words. And use them intentionally.
If you don’t actively make time for me, whether that’s regular conversation or actual dates, you’re showing me I’m not a priority. I’m looking for ‘I want you in my life,’ not ‘I’ll squeeze you in when nothing else is happening.’
Respect / Safety Rules
If you treat my vulnerability like a problem to manage or a reason to downgrade me to friend, we’re done. My honesty is a gift, not a liability.
If your self-neglect is so extreme that there’s never room for my needs or comfort, I will step back; I’m not available for relationships where I need to fully disappear to keep the peace.
Negging or backhanded jokes about my body, looks, trauma, or worth is an automatic disqualifier. If you can’t give real compliments, you don’t get access to me.
If you joke about my trauma, mental health, or faith in a dismissive way, we are likely not going to vibe.
If you talk badly about your exes in a way that makes everyone else the villain, I will assume I’m next.
Access / Boundary Rules
You’re welcome to look me up, but I don’t add people on Facebook until after we’ve met in person at least once.
You don’t get my address until we’ve had at least one good IRL date or a vetting process through conversation where we both feel safe.
If you get weird or pouty when I hold a boundary, that’s an automatic downgrade to ‘Not my gay ass.’
Vibe & Compatibility Rules
I’m looking for all‑caps, mutually obsessed energy. If you want something casual, non‑committal, or ‘see where it goes’, after a month of seeing me… I’m likely not the one for you.
If your words and actions don’t match consistently, I’m gonna pass. I’m not interested in deciphering mixed signals or wondering which version of you shows up today. Be warm, be real, be consistent, or be gone, devil.
If you think all-caps, mutually obsessed love is clingy, needy, or immature, then I’m simply not your match.
If you don’t carry a real, ongoing curiosity about me, my life, my stories, my brain, we’re not a fit. I need eye‑to‑eye ‘tell me everything’ energy, not ‘background character’ energy.
If you expect me to pay for every date by default, we’re not aligned. I’m generous, but I’m not your wallet; effort and investment need to go both ways.
If you describe yourself as ‘outcome independent’ forever or ‘seeing what happens’ but never want to define anything, I’m not your person.
If you’re uncomfortable dating a thick man, a Christ follower who doesn’t shove his beliefs on people, or someone deeply into their healing work, that’s totally fine, but we’re not a match.
If you treat emotional intimacy like a game or a performance instead of something sacred, I’m not sticking around for round 2.
If you’re still emotionally tangled up with your ex or trying to enlist me to rescue or fix them, find them a job, save their life, win them back, I’m not your person. I date people, not unsolved relationships.
If you never want to get married, no matter the person, I’m not the one for you.
If you’re a side and never want to be intimate in that way, we’re not sexually compatible. I’m a Top and that matters.
If I consistently feel smaller, dumber, or ‘too much’ around you, we’re not a match. I should feel wanted, not managed.
If talking to you usually leaves me more anxious, insecure, or drained than before, that’s a no.
If I have to talk myself into you every week, we’re done. I want ‘I can’t believe I get to do this with you’ energy, not ‘he’s fine on paper’ energy.
If I can’t imagine being silly with you, ugly laughing, dumb voices, quote wars, tickle battles, we’re not my version of compatible.
If you’re poly, ENM, or not looking for a primary partner, we’re a mismatch romantically. I’m strictly monogamous, so at best we’re FWB and even that’s a maybe.
This is not an exhaustive list. Nor is it a list that will exclude you for any misstep. It’s more to say: this is what makes me feel held. This is what makes me feel anxious. At the end of the day, it comes down to intentional effort.
I hold myself to these same standards too. Because here’s the thing: If you genuinely like someone, even just a little, you will make an effort. And if you’re making any sort of real effort, most of these take care of themselves.
© Dereck Pritchard, 2026. All Rights Reserved. Okay to share in full with clear credit to the author. Partial excerpts require written permission.
