Boxes Are for Moving, Not for Tops & Bottoms
Disclaimer: Adult identity themes ahead. Nothing graphic, but we are talking about Tops, Bottoms, and the boxes we shove people into. If that feels too personal, skip with love. If it doesn’t, welcome to the Dereckulous side.
Let’s talk about boxes. Not the fun kind. The kind that exists in the LGBTQIA+ world that says:
Top must = muscular caveman,
Bottom must = weak and needy.
While those are perfectly acceptable, they aren’t the only form that those roles take. Those are just cute in a porn search bar. But people don’t have to fit those molds.
Let me explain: Now, I don’t mind the word ‘Top.’ It’s simple, it’s efficient, it helps people know what to expect. What I do mind is the baggage people strap to it. Like if you’re a Top, you must also be jacked, stoic, and allergic to feelings. Meanwhile, Bottom gets flattened into ‘sissy,’ ‘submissive,’ or ‘less than.’ Again, these are okay if they actually fit your identity. My point is it’s also okay if they don’t.
Here’s my reality: I’m a Dom Top. Accurately. Probably about 70% of the time. But I’m not made of concrete. There are moments when I want someone else to take the reins, to care for me, to let me lay down the ‘strong one’ act. That doesn’t make me less of a Top. It just makes me less of a stereotype.
Sidebar, just to clear up one more common misconception, Dom/Sub & Top/Bottom aren’t the same role and are not always interchangeable. Dom Bottoms and Service Tops also exist. So when I say I step back from being dominant sometimes, that doesn’t suddenly mean I’m bottoming. It just means the care dynamic has shifted. I’m still a Top, just one who isn’t glued to the driver’s seat every second.
What I don’t vibe with is the idea that everyone must be Versatile/Switch. Like if you’re a Top, you just ‘haven’t met the right person yet.’ I don’t agree with that. I used to believe that. I tried it. I tested the idea enough to know: I’m not Vers/Switch. And not because I think Bottoms are weak. Quite the opposite. I think it takes an enormous amount of strength to be a Bottom. Physical, emotional, spiritual strength. Strength I don’t have. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
At the end of the day, labels are tools, not cages. Dom Top works for me most of the time, but not in the cartoon version people project. If you want to know what it actually looks like? It’s care, clarity, responsibility, and yes, a little chaos control. Everything else? Just boxes I don’t plan on climbing into.
Thanks for coming to my Dereckulous Talk.
© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
