The Myth of the “Strong One”
There’s a myth that’s been circling for as long as I can remember. If you’re a Top, a Leader, a Bear, or anyone coded as “the strong one,” then you’re never allowed to set that weight down. You’re the one who gives care, never the one who needs it. You’re the steady rock, not the messy human. Like apparently, if I cry at Inside Out 2, some people would snatch my Top card like it’s a parking pass I forgot to validate. Sis, that’s not how labels work. It’s 2025. Crying isn’t weakness, it’s release. Crying has never been a weakness. And if someone really believes emotions cancel out masculinity, we are not shopping for values in the same aisle.
I get it. Most of the time. That’s the burden I allow to be put on me or sometimes even put on myself. But you know, it would be nice if someone would be like “Hey. I got you. You don’t have to be the ‘Strong One’ right now.” Probably. I can’t say I know what that’s like. You’d think after nearly 40 years I’d have experienced that. It’s unfortunately rare and I can't say I’ve had a time when I’ve had that. So what do I then? Well, I have to let the weight down alone and just hope I can still recognize my reflection when I pick it back up. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. That’s the truth of it.
Here’s the thing. It doesn’t just affect me, whether you’re a actual caretaker, parents, queer men, women, trans and non-binary folks. You should 100% be allowed to ask for that same support. Or dare I say, have someone offer without you pleading for it.
Don’t get me wrong, 90% of the time. I really love being the strength, the one who holds, the one who makes space for people. I am truly thankful to be that in the lives of others. But, it’d also be nice if someone got me for that other 10% where I need to be the one who falls apart.
What would the world look like if we all gave each other permission to not always be the strong one? It would look powerful, safe, and beautiful. I invite you to check on your parents, your caretakers, your strong friends, and even just each other. Because that, my friends, is where true strength lies.
© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
Boxes Are for Moving, Not for Tops & Bottoms
Disclaimer: Adult identity themes ahead. Nothing graphic, but we are talking about Tops, Bottoms, and the boxes we shove people into. If that feels too personal, skip with love. If it doesn’t, welcome to the Dereckulous side.
Let’s talk about boxes. Not the fun kind. The kind that exists in the LGBTQIA+ world that says:
Top must = muscular caveman,
Bottom must = weak and needy.
While those are perfectly acceptable, they aren’t the only form that those roles take. Those are just cute in a porn search bar. But people don’t have to fit those molds.
Let me explain: Now, I don’t mind the word ‘Top.’ It’s simple, it’s efficient, it helps people know what to expect. What I do mind is the baggage people strap to it. Like if you’re a Top, you must also be jacked, stoic, and allergic to feelings. Meanwhile, Bottom gets flattened into ‘sissy,’ ‘submissive,’ or ‘less than.’ Again, these are okay if they actually fit your identity. My point is it’s also okay if they don’t.
Here’s my reality: I’m a Dom Top. Accurately. Probably about 70% of the time. But I’m not made of concrete. There are moments when I want someone else to take the reins, to care for me, to let me lay down the ‘strong one’ act. That doesn’t make me less of a Top. It just makes me less of a stereotype.
Sidebar, just to clear up one more common misconception, Dom/Sub & Top/Bottom aren’t the same role and are not always interchangeable. Dom Bottoms and Service Tops also exist. So when I say I step back from being dominant sometimes, that doesn’t suddenly mean I’m bottoming. It just means the care dynamic has shifted. I’m still a Top, just one who isn’t glued to the driver’s seat every second.
What I don’t vibe with is the idea that everyone must be Versatile/Switch. Like if you’re a Top, you just ‘haven’t met the right person yet.’ I don’t agree with that. I used to believe that. I tried it. I tested the idea enough to know: I’m not Vers/Switch. And not because I think Bottoms are weak. Quite the opposite. I think it takes an enormous amount of strength to be a Bottom. Physical, emotional, spiritual strength. Strength I don’t have. And you know what? I’m okay with that.
At the end of the day, labels are tools, not cages. Dom Top works for me most of the time, but not in the cartoon version people project. If you want to know what it actually looks like? It’s care, clarity, responsibility, and yes, a little chaos control. Everything else? Just boxes I don’t plan on climbing into.
Thanks for coming to my Dereckulous Talk.
© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.