It’s Okay to Take Up Space

I grew up thinking “sorry” was my first name.

Sorry for asking questions.

Sorry for talking too loud.

Sorry for existing in a body that didn’t know how to shrink small enough to be loved.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to apologize before I even spoke.

To cushion my words with self-doubt so no one else had to.

To fold myself in half so I wouldn’t take up too much room at the table.

But here’s what I’m learning now:

It’s okay to take up space.

It’s okay to be quiet.

It’s okay to not have all the answers.

Because what is life, really, if not a bunch of damaged souls stumbling around, trying to find our people and our way?

If no one’s told you yet, let me: existing isn’t a crime. You don’t need permission slips to show up as yourself. You don’t need to edit yourself just to prove you belong.

Be you. Unapologetically.

And if people don’t like it? That’s their prerogative. That’s a them problem, not a you problem.

Now, I know that’s easier said than done. It might even sound like the same tired “Just be happy and thankful” advice. But that’s not what I mean. What I mean is: you are allowed to show up as the most flawed version of yourself. (So long as you’re not breaking laws. Let’s be clear. But I digress.)

Trust me, I’ve spent years apologizing to inanimate objects that never once said “It’s okay.” or “I love you too.” back.

So now? I look for joy in the little moments. I lead with empathy, kindness, and the radical act of just being decent.

Why be anything else? Because the world sucks? Yeah, no shit, the world sucks. People suck.

But all it really takes is finding the ones who make it suck less. And if we’re really lucky, we stumble into someone who makes life suck a whole lot less, and maybe even realize it doesn’t suck at all.

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.

The Myth of Productivity

There’s this lie we’ve all agreed to tell ourselves: that productivity equals worth. That if you can cross off every item on your to-do list, you somehow become more valid, more successful, more human. Spoiler alert: that’s garbage. Productivity is a moving finish line; the closer you get, the further it runs. And for those of us who live with ADHD, anxiety, or just a regular case of being human, chasing that finish line can feel like running a marathon on a treadmill. Exhausting, and you never actually get anywhere.

As someone whose ADHD has been in 4K lately, I really have come to abhor to-do lists. Because it’s a reminder of things I still need to do and a running tab on things I haven’t done. When that list gets longer, my AD4K Paralysis has a stronger hold. For a while I used to-do lists to point me in the right direction of my tasks for a single day. But here’s something the lists don’t tell you; when you start your day with a to-do list, something always happens. Tasks get added. Tasks you probably didn’t sign up for. So you have three options:

1. Add it to your “To-Do List” and go on about your damn day.

2. Don’t add it to your “To-Do List” and say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Tomorrow. Aka, the mythical land where I suddenly become organized.

3. Don’t add it to your “To-Do List” and do it anyway as an adhoc item.

The thing that becomes tricky with to-do lists is triggering your ADHD Paralysis. Becoming overwhelmed too quickly.

What works best for me, although let’s be honest here, it’s hit or miss, is breaking up the tasks into manageable chunks. Not looking at it as a whole, because that’s overwhelming, but in fragments. Managing your time is also good. But let’s again be honest here. Time to AD4K people is really more of a suggestion. Not based on the reality of how our brains work. But if you’re able to set timers for yourself for a specific task, do it. It can work, but it’s definitely not easy.

At the end of the day, productivity is never going to be the thing that proves my (or your) worth. My to-do list doesn’t get to define whether I’m lovable, successful, or enough. Sometimes I’ll crush the list, sometimes I’ll lose the list, and sometimes the list will just laugh at me from across the room. That’s fine. Because the real myth isn’t that I’m behind, it’s that anyone is ever fully “caught up.” We’re all just figuring it out, one unfinished list at a time.

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.

The Myth of the “Strong One”

There’s a myth that’s been circling for as long as I can remember. If you’re a Top, a Leader, a Bear, or anyone coded as “the strong one,” then you’re never allowed to set that weight down. You’re the one who gives care, never the one who needs it. You’re the steady rock, not the messy human. Like apparently, if I cry at Inside Out 2, some people would snatch my Top card like it’s a parking pass I forgot to validate. Sis, that’s not how labels work. It’s 2025. Crying isn’t weakness, it’s release. Crying has never been a weakness. And if someone really believes emotions cancel out masculinity, we are not shopping for values in the same aisle.

I get it. Most of the time. That’s the burden I allow to be put on me or sometimes even put on myself. But you know, it would be nice if someone would be like “Hey. I got you. You don’t have to be the ‘Strong One’ right now.” Probably. I can’t say I know what that’s like. You’d think after nearly 40 years I’d have experienced that. It’s unfortunately rare and I can't say I’ve had a time when I’ve had that. So what do I then? Well, I have to let the weight down alone and just hope I can still recognize my reflection when I pick it back up. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. That’s the truth of it. 

Here’s the thing. It doesn’t just affect me, whether you’re a actual caretaker, parents, queer men, women, trans and non-binary folks. You should 100% be allowed to ask for that same support. Or dare I say, have someone offer without you pleading for it. 

Don’t get me wrong, 90% of the time. I really love being the strength, the one who holds, the one who makes space for people. I am truly thankful to be that in the lives of others. But, it’d also be nice if someone got me for that other 10% where I need to be the one who falls apart.

What would the world look like if we all gave each other permission to not always be the strong one? It would look powerful, safe, and beautiful. I invite you to check on your parents, your caretakers, your strong friends, and even just each other. Because that, my friends, is where true strength lies. 

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.

Be Decent to People Who Work in Customer Service

I have worked in customer service jobs since I was 18. And yes, it has taken a toll on my mental health. Why? Because way too many people still think “The customer is always right.”

This is false. Hard stop. Thinking you are right and being right are two very different things.

When you have had someone grab you by the throat (and not in the fun way) over a rebate, you start to question humanity a little. Yes, this actually happened to me. The rebate form clearly said “Send primary proof of purchase.” He sent secondary. His reaction was violence. If I was not an empath, he would have been on the floor, but I always lead with empathy. Sometimes to a fault.

Leading with kindness not only makes you a better human, it makes you a happier person in most cases. Dragging people down does nothing for you, but lifting someone up can change their entire day.

So here is my point: Be nice to customer service workers. Period. I am not asking for over the top, Disney princess nice. Just decent. Why bring someone down? Where is the pride in that?

Do not be the person who fucks around and finds out.

Thanks for reading.

Byyyyeeeeee!

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.

Fears I’ve Overcome, Fears I’m Still Wrestling, and Fears That Make Me Nope Right Out

Fear is a weird roommate. Sometimes it pays rent, sometimes it eats your snacks, and sometimes it just stares at you while you try to live your life. Over the years, I’ve learned which fears I can evict, which ones I’m still negotiating with, and which ones I’m not even opening the door for.

Fears I’ve Overcome

• Turning out like people who’ve hurt me.
  I used to think certain traits were inherited like bad knees. But healing taught me I can break the cycle without breaking myself.

• Thinking I’m unlovable.
  I’m not unlovable. I’m just a limited-edition model. Not everyone can handle the deluxe features. That’s okay.

• Taking my shirt off at the pool.
  This was a big one. Body image has been a whole journey, but I’ve learned my worth isn’t tied to the amount of fabric covering me.

Fears I’m Still Working On

• Flying.
  I had a full-on panic attack on a plane years ago and had to get off. Before that, I hadn’t flown since I was a teenager—so, a 22-year gap. I’ve flown since, but my body still remembers the panic before it remembers the progress.

• Elevators.
  Never been stuck in one, but my brain invented a fake memory to justify avoiding them. I try to push myself now, but if that elevator pauses for more than three seconds, I’m already planning my obituary.

Fears That Make Me Go: “Nope.”

• Being buried alive.
  Who would willingly sign up for that?

• Anything that can kill me in one bite.
  Self-preservation, babe.

• Caves.
  I’ve seen The Descent. That’s a hard pass.

• Catacombs.
  I’ve seen As Above, So Below. Also a hard pass.

Fear doesn’t disappear overnight. Some of it leaves quietly. Some of it takes years to evict. And some? Some you just learn to walk around, give a polite nod, and say, “Not today.”

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.