The Myth of the “Strong One”

There’s a myth that’s been circling for as long as I can remember. If you’re a Top, a Leader, a Bear, or anyone coded as “the strong one,” then you’re never allowed to set that weight down. You’re the one who gives care, never the one who needs it. You’re the steady rock, not the messy human. Like apparently, if I cry at Inside Out 2, some people would snatch my Top card like it’s a parking pass I forgot to validate. Sis, that’s not how labels work. It’s 2025. Crying isn’t weakness, it’s release. Crying has never been a weakness. And if someone really believes emotions cancel out masculinity, we are not shopping for values in the same aisle.

I get it. Most of the time. That’s the burden I allow to be put on me or sometimes even put on myself. But you know, it would be nice if someone would be like “Hey. I got you. You don’t have to be the ‘Strong One’ right now.” Probably. I can’t say I know what that’s like. You’d think after nearly 40 years I’d have experienced that. It’s unfortunately rare and I can't say I’ve had a time when I’ve had that. So what do I then? Well, I have to let the weight down alone and just hope I can still recognize my reflection when I pick it back up. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. That’s the truth of it. 

Here’s the thing. It doesn’t just affect me, whether you’re a actual caretaker, parents, queer men, women, trans and non-binary folks. You should 100% be allowed to ask for that same support. Or dare I say, have someone offer without you pleading for it. 

Don’t get me wrong, 90% of the time. I really love being the strength, the one who holds, the one who makes space for people. I am truly thankful to be that in the lives of others. But, it’d also be nice if someone got me for that other 10% where I need to be the one who falls apart.

What would the world look like if we all gave each other permission to not always be the strong one? It would look powerful, safe, and beautiful. I invite you to check on your parents, your caretakers, your strong friends, and even just each other. Because that, my friends, is where true strength lies. 

© Dereck Pritchard, 2025. All Rights Reserved.